Monday Blues: Growing Desperate

 

I've gone out to look at them, check on them. Move a crank, spin a pedal, squeeze a tire between thumb and finger, judging the pressure within the casing. I squeeze the lever, and notice the pincer movement of a caliper trapping the rear rim. The exhale of a sign from deep in my throat is followed by a double cough. I squeeze the same lever a second time, a little anger in the action. I notice the resulting movement is uneven, one pad making contact a slight moment before the other. That's not why I am angry.

It has been more than a week with this thing now, the uncomfortable symptoms seem way in the past - the aches and pains, headache, fever. It is so sunny out, it is so warm out. We are a third of the way through December, and it is absolutely perfect outside. Why would you not go for a ride?

I'm positive. Again. Still. I want a beer. I want a bagel. I want a burrito. I want to walk into a restaurant, a cafe, stand in line and order these things. Believe it or not, I want to work. I want to do more than walk the dog around the neighborhood, saying "hey" to people from a distance. More than anything though, I want to squeeze those levers, while expecting them to bring my forward motion to a stop. I want to feel my legs turning those cranks 'round. I want the muscles to remember the motion, I want the brain to say that's right. I want to pinch those tires between my fingers, notice that they need to be topped off, and know that doing so means that I am going for a ride. Again. Finally.